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T O P I C    R E V I E W
duck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 15:58:09
Since the last thread went to everything from thongs to dogs, not necessarily mutually exclusive considering the way things go around here, I'm starting a new thread in order to give ITK his well earned "Word." At the moment, I have nothing else to add here, except for a thought about selling the boat considering the weather in NY every weekend for the last month. (Does this belong in the Classified section?).

However, I hereby declare the previous thread closed, except for ITK's last and final "Word." Dave: Go to it. Bob: Be still.
28   L A T E S T    R E P L I E S    (Newest First)
hooks Posted - Jul 03 2008 : 15:18:29
Sorry Bob, I couldn't resist too....


blouderback Posted - Jul 03 2008 : 13:32:40
Nice one, Honora, you worked a "Bob" joke in!
Msibley Posted - Jul 03 2008 : 13:12:28
quote:
Originally posted by lil red truck

A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive crush on Brigitte Bardot. To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattooist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her boobs.

The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests the tattoo on her butt instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a 'B' on each buttock.

When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork.

"What do you think?" the wife says.

"Uh, who the hell is Bob?" the husband replies.



LOL...as a professional, this is just sooooooooo wrong on sooooooooooo many levels!

Thank you, Honora, for imbedding this into my mind. You owe me.

lil red truck Posted - Jul 03 2008 : 12:34:13
A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive crush on Brigitte Bardot. To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattooist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her boobs.

The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests the tattoo on her butt instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a 'B' on each buttock.

When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork.

"What do you think?" the wife says.

"Uh, who the hell is Bob?" the husband replies.
blouderback Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 21:01:50
I love women.
lil red truck Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 13:26:40
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the terrible behavior going on. So, He called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When she returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God was NOT pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were being good, because He wanted to encourage them . . . give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said? ............

OK, I was just wondering; because I didn't get one either.
blouderback Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 13:15:02
Many times, when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my backyard and having a cold beer along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.

This happened yesterday after a particularly difficult day.

I said: "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad."

I was starting to feel better, but I still had one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "What is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you more, SÍnor, but for now I have to finish your lawn."

In the know Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 12:48:13
There was a teenage boy, around 17 and his father said he was going to give him 2 pieces of advice about women.

1) He said son, a woman is never wrong, even whe they are wrong, you, as a guy, misunderstood what they said or were saying

2) As a guy, you will do something that you will get in trouble for. You may not know what it is/was, and you may never know. Buy something with diamonds and put it in storage until the moment that you are in trouble arises, it will save you dearly.

Thanks dad.
lil red truck Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 12:23:32
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife.
She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long."

lil red truck Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 11:12:02
What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards?



A receding hare line.
hooks Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 10:40:53
A penguin was having car trouble so she took it to her mechanic. While the car was being worked on she got herself a Vanilla Ice Cream cone. While she was eating it some dripped on her feet. She returned to the mechanic and he said to her "Looks like you blew a seal" and she said "no, that's just Ice Cream"...
lil red truck Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 10:03:14
I just bought a new car cheap on eBay. But I'm not happy with it, it won't go backwards. I thought the listing said 'no reserve'...
duck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 21:56:57
Geesh Honora, you've clearly had too much caffine this evening, but the dog/couch thing is just too funny!
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 21:26:19
Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 21:24:40
Man goes to see the doctor...

Doctor, doctor I think I'm a dog

OK, better take a seat on the couch

I'm not allowed on the couch.
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:59:31
Not a one liner--
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management.
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"


"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

HOGAN Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:54:23
Can't wait for school to start again
duck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:43:09
These one liners are too funny Honora.

Amazing how some people just can't stop spray painting their name, but it does add humor. Good thing it was only a one-liner. The over spray from that stuff can be toxic.
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:20:15
Q: Did you hear about the blond graffiti artist?
A: He runs around spray-painting his name on chain link fences.

HOGAN Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:19:25
quote:
Originally posted by Sunny

I'm confused!!!
Share with me why Dave has to have the last word? Did I miss something?




Sunny YOU are the moderator, YOU set the "rules" here, if you want him to have the last word, all you have to do is lock the thread after he posts.
duck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:14:36
Sunny,

He asked for it on the previous thread, at just the right time, and I promised. Now, you are the moderator, so you can override this, but then we get enlarged fonts again. (Is there a reverse pill for this?). Seemed like a sound decision.


Honora,
Last word was for the previous thread. You go girl! Dave has no last word rights here.
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:13:07
Two blond guys were working for the city works department. One would
dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They
worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to
the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging
a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand
what they were doing.

So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are
putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only
to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"


The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably
looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy
who plants the trees called in sick."
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 20:11:04
I'll stop when Dave takes the last word on this thread...


A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"
Sunny Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 19:24:04
I'm confused!!!
Share with me why Dave has to have the last word? Did I miss something?
duck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 18:53:25

Sunny,
Honora didn't break my rule. She only got back in there after other "questionable" forces of nature did. Your last comment rings so true.

Now, both of you: Dave has the last word on the previous thread. Don't send him to another forum. It was a completely "decent" thread and Dave has earned the right to do the final "Word" thing.

And they say women can't stop talking. Let's wait and see who, other than Dave having our express permission, goes there.

Now, back to "Anything at all."
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 18:12:59
Hey! She said the previous thread was closed! What fun is it to close a thread on the second post, anyway? I believe Dave deserves a decent thread to close.: )
Sunny Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 17:55:23
Since Honora broke your rule already, I'm adding this:

Maybe Dave could have the last word over at the Men Only forum? Or maybe we need a "Last Word" forum?
Hogan will never stand for it here in the WO.:o)
lil red truck Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 17:13:55
I could repost the "Have a Happy Period" item, but I won't.

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replies.

The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."

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